this pattern..

i don't know what to do.. I'm torn between what i know is right and what i want.. I've never been the most honest type, I've always been the betrayer... the liar.. the one you think you can trust.. i mess up.. i hurt people. i make those i love most cry, better i should know. i live off a cycle and that is to crave something and once i get to it i do everything in my nature to destroy it. the life I've left behind me is a cold room. take me in, no questions asked.. you strip away the ugliness that surrounds me. i know I'll disappoint you. it's never good enough, and i find myself always seeking more... i don't understand at the thought of the touch of your hand i would be the one to fall.. you drive me crazy, though i have everything i should want, and that is right for me.. i want to give my passion to you. those who love me the way i love deceit.